Middot – The embodied Torah of Character Values

Psalm 125

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Jerusalem, hills enfold it, and Adonai enfolds God’s people now and forever. (125:2)

Jerusalem is not built on the largest of mountains and Israel is not the largest of peoples. Yet God protects both, which accords with a Biblical theme that the largest and the strongest are not necessarily the most important. In the story of Israel, it is the small and the second-born rather than the powerful or the first-born, the mild shepherd rather than the mighty hunter, who deserves God’s covenantal promise.

Living a modest life is a primary Jewish value. We know that we do not have to make a big splash in order to have a lasting impact on the world. A modest person can raise similarly modest children who live lives of faith and raise modest children of their own. One’s values pass from generation to generation through one’s children and one’s students. It is not necessary to be rich and famous in order to seed the world with goodness. In fact wealth and fame may very well may make it more difficult to live a covenanted life. Not impossible, but more difficult, because the power that comes from success nudges one in the direction of immodest and arrogant behavior. It is an additional obstacle that a powerful person must overcome, while a modest person does not. Thank God for the wealthy people who not only generously support institutions in their communities, but also do so with modesty. Thank God for the people of modest means who live humble lives enfolded in the arms of God.

Psalm 120

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I am peace; but when I speak, they are for war. (120:7)

Psalm 120 is the first of a series of 15 Psalms with the title “A song of (or for) ascent.” Mishnah Middot 2:5 suggests that the 15 steps ascending to the Temple Mount on the South side were built to correspond to the 15 Psalm, but the full implication of giving this title to this collection is unknown.

Peace is an important value in Judaism and other major religious traditions, but most have an escape clause that allows for defensive wars. Christianity is known to have pacifist denominations. Judaism is less known for this position, but there are some rabbis who find pacifism in Jewish sources.

It is a challenging position to hold, illustrated by this Psalm, because when the Psalmist asserts a position embracing peace at all costs, he says “they” attack. “They” might be fellow Jews who reject pacifism or “they” might be the enemy of Jews who see an opportunity to advance their position without resistance.

There are numerous adages in our American culture encouraging a non-pacifist outlook, such as:

  • The best defense is a good offense.
  • Speak softly and carry a big stick. Theodore Roosevelt.
  • Doveryai no proveryai, Trust but verify. Ronald Reagan used this aphorism, based on a Russian proverb, to defend a massive increase in military spending.

Projecting strength is connected with a willingness to attack while standing for peace is typically seen as a weakness. This is not necessarily the case. Some martial arts, such as aikido, judo, and t’ai chi emphasize defensive moves, embracing a philosophy of non-aggression and harmony.

I can also hear a hesitancy in the Psalmists words. “I am by nature peaceful,” he is saying, “but because they are war-like I have been forced to respond in kind.” Religion might attempt to cultivate softer, gentler attributes (middot) within us. There are, however, selfish people with large egos around us. Unless we cultivate middot of conviction alongside those of giving or compromising, others will take advantage of us. Not every person who speaks or acts in God’s name has fully embraced the humility that ought to go along with doing so.

The best approach is not to prejudge the other, not to assume that he or she is for war, but to put forward one’s peaceful nature and intentions whole-heartedly. At the same time, though, one ought to put forward one’s other fundamental convictions, for fairness, equality, human rights, and security. It is not peace but …. Rather, it is peace and ….

Psalm 111

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The beginning of wisdom is the fear of Adonai (111:10)

The character attribute of Yir’at Hasham, living in awe of God, reminds me that for all of the degrees on my wall, my storehouse of knowledge is finite while God is infinite. Fear of God is not terror. Most religious people do not understand God as a terror or use God to frighten others. At the most, they might embrace the quality of fear to inspire trembling in themselves. The primary purpose of fear and awe is to promote the quality of humility, the ability to set aside ego. Wisdom begins with the ability to see the rightness in the words of others and the wrongness in one’s own words.

Wisdom is not the same things as intelligence. There are many smart people in the world who are not wise and there are many wise people who would not score well on an IQ test. Wisdom begins by cultivating the ability to see one’s own flaws against God’s perfection. A wise person knows when to speak and when to hold back. A wise person sees wisdom in others, even while disagreeing with them. A wise person understands his or her own motivations, triggers, and flash points and uses that knowledge to minimize responses provoked by fear, anger, jealousy, or other negative emotion.

Psalm 109

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They repay me with evil for good, with hatred for my love. (109:5)

Most of the time it feels good to be a good and loving person in this world. Living one’s life according to the middah of hesed (character value of love) means continually looking for ways to radiate acts of love. Most of the time, a smile aimed at a harried cashier or another driver at a four-way stop during rush hour will elicit a smile in return. A kind word to a server or a person you pass walking down the street doesn’t take much effort and will likely result in that person passing along the act of hesed to another person later in the day.

Every once in a while, however, it is more challenging. I had a meeting downtown and was fortunately enough to find street parking right across the street. I had just pulled in to the spot and had not even shut off the car. While arranging my bag and getting change for the meter out of the ashtray, I heard a sharp knock on the window. Standing there was a meter lady, getting ready to write a ticket. I rolled down the window and she barked, “you’re meter’s expired!” I explained, somewhat angrily, that I had just that moment pulled in and hadn’t had a chance to get out of the car yet. She responded, “Well, you’d better put money in the meter right away,” and walked away. I wanted to get out of the car and ask her why she was being so unpleasant! Was she behind on her ticket writing quota? I could have gotten her badge number and reported her for … something! Such an aggressive action, however, would have had no positive outcome. It would have left both of us feeling even more angry, and that anger, carried through the rest of the day, would have infected each of my subsequent interactions.

Pirkei Avot (1:6) teaches, “judge every person on the side of merit.” My initial response to her was angry. What would have happened if I had imagined how hard her job must be and even when she does it 100% properly, people get angry at her. What is it like working under those conditions day after day, week after week, month after month, in the heat, cold, rain, and snow? If it happens again, perhaps I would be able to roll down the window and say, “I appreciate all the hard work you do to make sure people park on the downtown streets fairly. I was just about to get out of my car and put money into the meter. Thank you for reminding me, and enjoy the rest of your day!”

Psalm 106

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They grumbled in their tents … (106:25)

Very few people look forward to dealing with angry, malcontented, frustrated, or unhappy people, although some are better at it than others. I am amazed at how well a good customer service person can diffuse my anger when I call about a mistake, a broken or lost product, or some technical support. That’s their job and they take pride in how well they do it.

When meeting with clients or working with co-workers, most people try to show their best selves. We focus on the task at hand to accomplish something positive rather than complain about the things that are going wrong in our lives. No one enjoys spending extended time at work with a grumpy co-worker.

After an exhausting and perhaps frustrating day at work or on the commute or with the kids or running errands and driving carpool, we come home or our spouse comes home, and what’s the first thing we are tempted to do? Complain about our day! All of the grumbling and whining that we held inside all day because we were being good professionals comes pouring out! All of the frustrations that we kept inside because we were being good parents burst forth!

Granted, a good spouse understands that sometimes we need to get something off our chest. But if grumbling is the first thing out of our mouth when we come through the door or moaning and kvetching is the first thing we hear when our spouse enters the house, it puts a major damper on the excitement of coming home welcoming one’s beloved at the end of a long day apart.

Try this as an exercise: Pause before coming in the door and take a deep breath. Let out the tension and put a smile on your face. Do the same thing inside the house when you hear the garage door or the door to the house open. Set aside the bellyaching for a bit and enjoy seeing your family again. Greet them with a smile of gratitude for all the pleasure they bring you. There is a time and a place for “grumbling in the tent,” but if you lead with positivity and happiness, you might find that your complaints are not quite as significant as you first thought.