Divre Harav – November, 2026

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I read recently that fewer and fewer people are hosting friends for dinner …

From Ari Gross, eJewishPhilanthropy:

“Once a normal facet of American life, the percentage of Americans who have hosted friends and family at home has dropped steadily over the past 50 years. In 1975, 16% of Americans said they hosted a dinner party at least once a month, and 42% said that they entertained at home; today, that’s 5% and 19%, respectively.

“ ‘In the last 30 years, Americans have seen double-digit declines in practically every measure of socializing. They are less likely to play cards; attend a sporting event; go to the bar; volunteer; or work on a community project,’ according to [journalist] Derek Thompson. (It’s the acceleration of a trend spotted more than a generation ago by Robert Putnam in his influential 2000 book, Bowling Alone.)

Joining with friends and family for Shabbat dinner has been a core practice of the Jewish community. Significant factors in this decline are a lack of confidence in hosting a dinner, a breakdown in work-life balance, and shrinking friend networks. The worsening mental health crisis in our society can be attributed in large part to these same factors. This also does not bode well for Jewish continuity. So much of Judaism is transmitted over the Shabbat table.

My earliest experiences with a network of Shabbat dinner friends began in Israel and continued as a college student in Minnesota. I was not a great cook so I did a few things: I learned to make a simple lasagna and branched out from there; I bought food rather than preparing it from scratch; and each person invited brought a part of the meal. I was part of a small group who rotated hosting the dinners. None of us were gourmet cooks, but we learned how to open a bottle of wine and make Kiddush, and we all knew how to chill a bottle of vodka in the freezer. In between, were were there for the company and the singing more than for the quality of the food.

Shabbat is not primarily what happened at a Friday night or Saturday morning service; it is primarily about sanctifying time in your own space. The meal could be a pizza, fish sticks, or takeout tacos. The challah can be french bread rolls or pita. What creates the “palace in time” is saying Kiddush, although there are other Shabbat table rituals that enhance and sharpen and perhaps decorate and beautify the palace.

We have audio of home Shabbat prayers that I can put on a USB drive for you or send you. Music, ritual, and friends, are key ingredients of both Shabbat and a healthy mental state. I’ve written about the Sapir Salon Shabbat discussions hosted quarterly by Jim and Shoshana Siegel (information about November’s gather is elsewhere in this Voice). As a synagogue community, we want to encourage more such home-hosted events – Shabbat dinner discussions, Shabbat dinner game nights, Shabbat dinner reading groups, and Shabbat dinner Shabbat dinners with no other agenda.

Tell me how I can help you!

Divre Harav – October, 2026

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Following Sukkot, the Torah tacks on an additional gathering for a festival known as the Assembly of the Eighth Day, Shemini Atzeret. It is notable for two things: Yizkor, and a prayer for rain.

The Yizkor memorial service is included in the festival service four times a year: On Yom Kippur, and at or near the end of each of the Pilgrimage festivals. The prayer for rain coincides with the beginning of the rainy season in Israel. It is included at the end of the fall holidays after Sukkot, because we don’t want to pray for rain while we are sitting in our flimsy, leaky Sukkah, so we wait until Sukkot ends.

The Torah, however, does not tell us specifically what this holiday is for. We know Passover is all about freedom, Shavuot is about Torah (although in the Torah, Shavuot is about first fruits and the barley harvest), and Sukkot is all about the fall harvest. We don’t really have a solid hook to hang Shemini Atzeret on.

I’m writing this article just days before Rosh Hashanah, knowing that you’ll likely read it just days before Shemini Atzeret. I’m feeling the exhaustion of preparation for the month of holidays and holiday events, and the classes and events that follow. I know that four weeks from now, I’m going to feel completely drained from building my Sukkah, carrying meals and eating out in the Sukkah for a week, cooking for our congregational Sukkot lunch and dinner. And yet I need to raise my energy level one more time.

That’s Shemini Atzeret. In today’s calendar, it opens with quiet energy, but then explodes into a holiday finale, as the second day of Shemini Atzeret becomes Simhat Torah. But that’s a relatively recent innovation. The Biblical Shemini Atzeret was the conclusion of the holiday season. It’s the quiet vacation that you need after a wild, busy, action-packed vacation. It’s the extra day off you planned into your calendar the day after you return from vacation. One more day to sleep in and relax before jumping back into your life with both feet.

Shemini Atzeret is the hidden day off after Sukkot, after Yom Kippur, after Rosh Hashanah. It’s a brief delay before taking down the Sukkah (Sunday, October 11, 1:30 p.m., please help!) and the scholar in residence weekend (October 23-25, I hope you’ll come to the weekend’s events). I hope you’ll join us for the Shemini Atzeret service, Saturday morning, October 3. Hag Sameah!

Divre Harav – September, 2026

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I’ve started listening to a new podcast, called The Daily Derekh (path). It is produced by my colleague Rabbi Marcus Rubenstein of Temple of Aaron, St. Paul, MN, and cosponsored by the Rabbinical Assembly and the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, along with ExploringJudaism.org. Each episode, normally 17-20 minutes, contains three brief segments: a teaching on the weekly Torah portion, a selection from Maimonides Mishnah Torah on practical Halakha, and and a selection from Menorah Hama’or on Jewish spiritual development. It is a daily dose of Jewish learning, practice, and character development.

The amount of high quality material for Jewish learning, available for no charge, is amazing. It has never been easier to engage in serious Jewish engagement on one’s own. The period leading into Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur has long been a time when we are encouraged to do a spiritual assessment of our lives. Who are we? What are our good points? What are we missing in our lives? How can we be more loving spouses, parents, children, or friends? The Jewish way is to look at ourselves through the reflection of Torah and see where we measure up and where we fall short.

This introspection need not be a major time commitment. Who doesn’t have 15-20 minutes in the morning, perhaps right after waking up in the morning, while traveling to work, or while preparing dinner, to slip in a morsel of Torah learning? The doors of of the Jewish experience are open wider than they’ve ever book. Sefaria.org is a Jewish library of more than 388 million words in Hebrew and translation, encompassing classical texts and commentaries from the Bible right up to contemporary times.

One of my high holiday sermon topics might address different kinds of Jews: Jews who like Jewish observance, Jews who like synagogue prayer, Jews who like Jewish learning, Jews who like Jewish culture, Jews who like socializing with Jews, and perhaps other categories. I’m interested in exploring how Ahavas Israel might expand opportunities for non-traditional Jews to find places to explore different types of Jewish expressions. This short podcast seems to address only the first three categories of Jews listed above, and certainly the Torah study and Halakha might primarily appeal to those who are attracted to learning and observance, but if you are a person who values personal growth, the final segment of the podcast might interest you.

I hope you’ll make it a point to pop into Ahavas Israel for at least some part of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. We blow the Shofar the second day’s (Sunday’s) service. We incorporate a memorial service during the Yom Kippur morning service. We’ll have a full set of shelves of free books in the sanctuary. The lounge in the office wing will be streaming the service and the library is always open, so if you are more comfortable outside the sanctuary, you have places to hang out in the building and meet new friends.

L’Shana Tova — May it be a good year, full of amazing Jewish experiences!

Divre Harav – Summer, 2026

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Our Ahavas Israel book group has run out of steam. We have plenty of avid readers, but the number who were willing to read a Jewish book and meet, by zoom or in person, to talk about it has dwindled below the point of viability. Over the past 8 years, it had met four times a year. That’s about 32 books, some of which I would have read on my own, but most of which I read only because they were chosen by the group. On my own, I tend not to read non-fiction. But if someone recommends a book, or better yet, if someone recommends a book and says, “let’s get together and talk about it,” I’m usually in. So I’ll miss our group and I’ll have to find suggestions for Jewish books that I wouldn’t have thought to read elsewhere.

So, what Jewish-adjacent books are you reading on the beach this summer? I’m looking for suggestions. Here are some selections that the book club had on its radar for future meetings:

How To Love Your Daughter, by Hila Blum

Winner of the Sapir Prize, one of Israel’s most prestigious literary awards, How to Love Your Daughter relates the complicated history of a mother-daughter relationship gone awry. … [It] is a nuanced examination of a complex relationship, as well as a portrait of a mother trying to determine precisely where she went wrong — and how to undo her past transgressions. It becomes clear that even self-scrutiny won’t prevent future mistakes.
|https://www.jewishbookcouncil.org/book/how-to-love-your-daughter

The Madwoman in the Rabbi’s Attic: Rereading the Women of the Talmud, by Gila Fine

In the Talmud, women are mostly identified as “mother of” or “wife of,” but not by name. For centuries, women were forbidden to even study the sacred work. In this unique book, Gila Fine discusses six women, all named, whose stories are told in the Talmud. She uses literary analysis to give us a contemporary look at the negative archetypes usually ascribed to these women.

The result is an entirely new perspective not only on the six women, but also on the rabbis who wrote and edited their stories and on the historical context as a whole.
https://www.jewishbookcouncil.org/book/the-madwoman-in-the-rabbis-attic-rereading-the-women-of-the-talmud

In Sickness and in Health / Yom Kippur in a Gym, by Nora Gold

Both of [these two] novellas provide readers with opportunities to think deeply about disability, illness, prayer, and forgiveness.
https://www.jewishbookcouncil.org/book/in-sickness-and-in-health-yom-kippur-in-a-gym

Lolita at Leonard’s of Great Neck and Other Stories from the Before Times, by Shira Dicker

The[se] five compelling tales … take you on an immersive journey from 1974 to the 2000s. …. The characters of this unforgettable collection inhabit the golden era of the postwar, pre-pandemic world. Age-old power struggles — between lovers, between friends, between parents and children— are illuminated and analyzed. Heartbreaking and sometimes hilarious, their stories disclose and document what it meant to be American, Jewish, and female. Rich with cultural touchstones and reference points, they are suffused with self-awareness, longing, and sensual awareness.
https://www.jewishbookcouncil.org/book/lolita-at-leonards-of-great-neck-and-other-stories-from-the-before-times

Everybody’s Hero, by Alex J. Sinclair

A suspenseful thriller about a seemingly normal family man who is secretly a serial killer targeting negligent dog owners, exploring themes of vigilante justice and morality within modern Israeli society, often intertwined with his expertise in Jewish education and Zionism.
https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/everybodys-hero-a-book-for-our-times/

As a Jew: Reclaiming Our Story from Those Who Blame, Shame, and Try to Erase Us by Sarah Hurwitz

In recent years, there is perhaps no topic more explored in American Jewry than the rise of antisemitism. As such, books must approach the topic from a unique perspective to stand out, occupying their own niche in relation to the other books in the field. As a Jew distinguishes itself as one of the more accessible books on the topic of antisemitism in recent years. It is straightforward without losing nuance, historical while still feeling very of the moment, and simultaneously personal yet able to touch readers with diverse backgrounds.
https://www.jewishbookcouncil.org/book/as-a-jew-reclaiming-our-story-from-those-who-blame-shame-and-try-to-erase-us

By Fire, By Water, by Mitchell James Kaplan

Luis de Santangel is a converso, chancellor, investor, and friend to King Ferdinand in fifteenth-century Spain. After the murder of the First Chief Inquisitor of Aragon unleashes the fury of the Inquisition upon the Jewish people and all conversos, Santangel learns that one of his friends is about to meet his demise. As this horrific process ensues, Santangel meets a pious monk, a Jewish woman to whom he is attracted, the explorer Cristobal Colon (Christopher Columbus), and others who lead him to explore his abandoned Jewish faith.
https://www.jewishbookcouncil.org/book/by-fire-by-water

The Coffee Trader, David Liss

Set in 1659 Amsterdam, The Coffee Trader follows Portuguese Jewish trader Miguel Lienzo as he tries to rebuild his fortune by cornering the market on the new commodity, coffee, while navigating financial intrigue, community politics, and personal rivalries with his brother and other rivals.

The Scrolls of Deborah, by Esther Goldenberg

Israeli author Esther Goldenberg weaves together familiar biblical stories with her own creative liberties to build a thoughtful, feminist midrash of sorts. The first installment in an expected trilogy, The Scrolls of Deborah centers around matriarch Rebekah and her nursemaid Deborah. We read about Deborah as a child, her journey to Rebekah and her life spent serving the matriarch. https://www.hadassahmagazine.org/2024/05/21/the-scrolls-of-deborah/

Divre Harav – May, 2026

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“Now Aaron’s sons Nadab and Abihu each took his fire pan, put fire in it, and laid incense on it; and they offered before Adonai alien fire, which He had not enjoined upon them. And fire came forth from Adonai and consumed them; thus they died at the instance of Adonai. Then Moses said to Aaron, ‘This is what Adonai meant when God said: 

Through those near to Me I show Myself holy,
And gain glory before all the people.’

And Aaron was silent.” (Leviticus 10:1-3)

In the face of sudden death, we are most often anything but silent. We cry, we yell at the attending medical staff, we demand to know why our loved one died. We want someone to be held accountable because surely the death was not inevitable, surely someone could have done something at just the right moment to stave off death.

And surely this is true, sometimes. But not always. So Aaron’s reaction is silence, and perhaps acceptance. And this is also an acceptable reaction. Through my work on the Corewell Health ethics committee, I’ve been thinking lately about the issue of medical futility. There comes a point when we will no longer be able to evade death. We might first face it for a loved one, a parent or spouse for whom we have been entrusted with the responsibility of making decisions when they can no longer speak for themselves. Ultimately, we’ll face our own mortality and the question, ‘Is is OK to accept that my body will die or am I obligated to fight to keep it functioning no matter how high the economic or physical cost?’

Judaism holds that life is precious, of infinite value. We are obligating to take care of our health and pay attention to competent medical professionals and get routine medical care such as preventative checkups and vaccinations, and visits to the dentist. Even the short term life of a person in hospice care is precious. We are forbidden to hasten death, even for someone who is actively dying. Judaism believes that the moment of death is in the hands of God. The principle of autonomy plays a larger role in secular medical ethics than it does in Jewish ethics, but there is a role for autonomy in our medical decision making as Jews.

We may evaluate medical treatment based on our ability to withstand the treatment. We may decide to accept the peace of palliative care in place of suffering through a more aggressive treatment. Or we may decide that the possibility of lengthening our days is worth the discomfort or pain of the treatment.

Aaron’s silence in Leviticus 10 might be coming from a place of deep faith in God’s judgment or a place of grief in which he was bereft of words. He might be holding back anger at Moses for trying to justify the loss of two of his children. We face the certainty of the death of those we love and our own mortality. Our society embraces taking an aggressive stance against death, fighting the good fight, but it is a fight we will inevitably lose. Fighting death is ultimately futile.

The lesson I want to take away from Aaron’s silence is that there will come a time to embrace death and to realize that our spirit will continue in some way even after our body no longer functions. Rather than defaulting to the language of combat, consider approaching death with wisdom. Working in partnership with my medical team, what are reasonable goals of care? How may I best live the life that I seek? When the time draws near, how may I most wisely accept death?