I read recently that fewer and fewer people are hosting friends for dinner …
From Ari Gross, eJewishPhilanthropy:
“Once a normal facet of American life, the percentage of Americans who have hosted friends and family at home has dropped steadily over the past 50 years. In 1975, 16% of Americans said they hosted a dinner party at least once a month, and 42% said that they entertained at home; today, that’s 5% and 19%, respectively.
“ ‘In the last 30 years, Americans have seen double-digit declines in practically every measure of socializing. They are less likely to play cards; attend a sporting event; go to the bar; volunteer; or work on a community project,’ according to [journalist] Derek Thompson. (It’s the acceleration of a trend spotted more than a generation ago by Robert Putnam in his influential 2000 book, Bowling Alone.)
Joining with friends and family for Shabbat dinner has been a core practice of the Jewish community. Significant factors in this decline are a lack of confidence in hosting a dinner, a breakdown in work-life balance, and shrinking friend networks. The worsening mental health crisis in our society can be attributed in large part to these same factors. This also does not bode well for Jewish continuity. So much of Judaism is transmitted over the Shabbat table.
My earliest experiences with a network of Shabbat dinner friends began in Israel and continued as a college student in Minnesota. I was not a great cook so I did a few things: I learned to make a simple lasagna and branched out from there; I bought food rather than preparing it from scratch; and each person invited brought a part of the meal. I was part of a small group who rotated hosting the dinners. None of us were gourmet cooks, but we learned how to open a bottle of wine and make Kiddush, and we all knew how to chill a bottle of vodka in the freezer. In between, were were there for the company and the singing more than for the quality of the food.
Shabbat is not primarily what happened at a Friday night or Saturday morning service; it is primarily about sanctifying time in your own space. The meal could be a pizza, fish sticks, or takeout tacos. The challah can be french bread rolls or pita. What creates the “palace in time” is saying Kiddush, although there are other Shabbat table rituals that enhance and sharpen and perhaps decorate and beautify the palace.
We have audio of home Shabbat prayers that I can put on a USB drive for you or send you. Music, ritual, and friends, are key ingredients of both Shabbat and a healthy mental state. I’ve written about the Sapir Salon Shabbat discussions hosted quarterly by Jim and Shoshana Siegel (information about November’s gather is elsewhere in this Voice). As a synagogue community, we want to encourage more such home-hosted events – Shabbat dinner discussions, Shabbat dinner game nights, Shabbat dinner reading groups, and Shabbat dinner Shabbat dinners with no other agenda.
Tell me how I can help you!
